COUNTDOWN: Every Transformers movie RANKED – including TF One!

With Transformers One soon to fly into cinemas next month (or the one after if you’re in the UK…), excitement for the new film is at fever pitch!

Many of us have been lucky enough to catch early screenings of the new adventure, and whilst the review embargo currently remains in place, we are at least allowed to provide non-spoiler reactions for the moment. To that end, it’s time to update my ranking of all nine current Transformers films to see where it sits!

And look, let me stress before we get going that, by its very nature, this list is a personal opinion. I don’t expect everyone to agree, nor would I wish for such an outcome. Art and film are inherently subjective, after all. I also want to caveat that even though I don’t like some of the films on this list, there are most definitely elements about them that I wholeheartedly appreciate, such as the incredible VFX work done on each and every entry, for one thing!

That disclaimer added, let’s get to it!

#9: Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Something had to go at the bottom, and I make no apologies for that being 2017’s The Last Knight. A horrendously overstuffed, bafflingly-bloated slog of a film which is more a mental endurance test than popcorn entertainment. The sad thing is there is plenty of promise here, with enough potentially great ideas to make at least four or five separate stories if the whole endeavour was properly planned or thought through with any care. Instead, what we ended up getting is borderline incoherent as a story and headache-inducing thanks to that ever-changing aspect ratio.

#8: Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Honestly, this one makes a strong argument for last place, too, and that’s not just because it’s filled to the gills with more unlikeable characters and bizarre, nonsensical plot decisions than I’d care to highlight. No, the single worst crime of this film is assuredly the abhorrent and wholly indefensible “Romeo & Juliet” scene, which is a moment so mind-bogglingly out of place in any movie, let alone one primarily intended to market toys to children. If you can put that aside, this film earns some minor props for the odd visual thrill involving the likes of Lockdown or the Dinobots, even if there’s so much more that could have been done with them. Overall, though, this is a film I am happy to never watch again.

#7: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Many might be surprised to see the third entry in the Michael Bay series so low in the rankings, but I would struggle to place it any higher. I have a distinct memory of watching Dark of the Moon in the cinema back in 2011, as it was the first time I can honestly say I was surprised by how bored I was witnessing Transformers on the big screen. In some ways, the ingredients are all there. Yet, the result is such a toil to sit through as it lurches from a first half filled with entirely pointless and inconsequential nonsense to an extended final act which more washes over you than actively engages. Sure, some cool beats are sprinkled in, but there’s also so much that jars or doesn’t hang together, meaning I genuinely struggle to see this as one of the high points in the live-action franchise.

#6: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

OK, I know what you’re thinking. Is Revenge of the Fallen better than everything already on this list? And yes, there are indeed plenty of critiques to be slung at the 2009 sophomore Bay effort, not least of which is the atrocious portrayals of Skids and Mudflap, sufficiently skewered forevermore as the “racist robots” in a recent episode of The Boys. Yet, whilst I’d struggle to say the overall package is a great film by any stretch, it’s still somehow more entertaining than much of what came to follow and feels almost comparatively restrained in terms of the obvious excesses known to bog the franchise down from this point on. Sure, the signs of that decline were evident, but there remain some genuine highs in this instalment, too, not least of which is the assuredly impressive forest fight.

#5: Transformers (2007)

If I were to rank such a list on pure, unfiltered nostalgia, this would score significantly higher (although it isn’t the only entry to which that sentiment applies). The lead-up to the 2007 film was one of those moments in time you simply had to be there for, as a slew of tidbits from the production began to creep online in what was still the young days of internet culture, each new update met with fever pitch excitement and no holds barred outrage in equal measure. Yet, by the time bums were on seats for the final product, a genuine wave of positive energy seemed to mostly take over. Sure, this wasn’t the Transformers many of us had grown up with, but I’d be hard-pressed to tell you I didn’t love every single second of that cinema experience. Looking back now, the cracks are more apparent, with an over-reliance on tangental human characters despite that being a necessity of how much screen time could actually be budgeted for the robots, and at least a few moments that stop this being the more family-friendly fare it perhaps arguably should have been (sure, I laughed at the masturbation gags at the time, but they prevent me from sharing the story with my son all these years later). Still, there’s little I actively want to critique about this first live-action effort, and even if an attempt at being purely objective means it earns a lower spot on this list than it might otherwise attain, I still cannot help but love it.

#4: Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)

It’s a shame last year’s attempt to reignite the Transformers films didn’t land with more of a bang. Critics gave mixed reactions on arrival, and the box office was undeniably muted, leading many in the mainstream to question if the robots in disguise could ever really recapture a general audience’s attention or if a heavy succession of increasingly dire sequels had caused fatigue to well and truly set in. Arguably more damning has been the turn of the hardcore fan opinion tide in the time since, as even a cursory glance at certain corners of the internet would have you believe Rise of the Beasts was all a gigantic disappointment (or, perhaps worse, just a bit mediocre, as some unsolicited soul will inevitably pipe up to say the film is “mid” or has “no sauce”). In truth, whilst it’s not without its problems, there’s plenty to enjoy about the 2023 effort, not least of which are some of the best and most fleshed-out portrayals of the robot cast we’ve seen on the big screen thus far. Sure, the titular beasts get significantly short shrift (again, there’s more than one movie’s worth of stuff all crammed in here to an unsatisfying result). Still, the likes of Mirage make for compelling viewing, giving us Transformers that don’t feel like subservient pets just hanging out at the beck and call of the human cast. Even better, Anthony Ramos is fantastic as Noah, breezily demonstrating how well these films can function when they’re given a likeable lead. It’s a clunky experience at times, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still yearn for a more classicly heroic depiction of Optimus Prime, but overall this one won me over. Besides, it was refreshing to sit through a live-action Transformers film with a distinct absence of cringe-inducing interludes: no one wees on anything in Rise of the Beasts, which shouldn’t be a big deal, but it counts.

#3: Bumblebee (2018)

Make no mistake, from this point on, things rather significantly shift up a gear, as 2018’s Bumblebee is not only the absolute best of the live-action Transformers films thus far, but it’s a beautifully made and decidedly compelling story in its own right (as simple as it is). It’s funny and charming in a way that felt like a genuine tonic to the cynical antics of the Michael Bay series, with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and a ton of heart to boot. Moreover, for anyone who thinks this film is light on the fights, it boasts what I firmly believe to be some of the top-tier action scenes from any of the non-animated adventures (and no, I’m not just alluding to those overly-hyped – but undeniably awesome – Cybertron scenes). The first-act tussle between Bumblebee and Blitzwing may be the franchise’s finest brawl of all, with outstanding visuals, high stakes and – crucially – easy-to-follow choreography. Yet for me, the true highlight here is Hailee Steinfeld, who delivers a standout performance as Charlie, which, for any of us who have ever felt the grief of losing a parental figure, cuts right to the bone in its excellent closing moments. Not just a terrific Transformers adventure but a superb film altogether.

#2: The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

Poster by Matt Ferguson

Look, I said I was going to try and put nostalgia aside when considering this list, and whilst I’m sticking with it, I want you to understand that ranking the 1986 Transformers adventure at #2 was no easy choice. After all, I grew up with this thing quite literally on repeat – my well-worn and much-loved VHS copy has just about survived to tell the tale of all the many Saturday mornings it was rewound over and over as I consumed its colourful contents countless times. I know the film by heart, can quote every line of dialogue, and even decades on, my mind may conjure up its epic soundtrack at any given unrelated moment. To separate TF:TM from my love of robots is a simply impossible task, so to me, it is and will always be peak in just about every regard. And yet, if I were to be purely objective, I can likely acknowledge some of the sillier or more nonsensical facets at play enough to appreciate why, as a piece of standalone media, this may not have won over every single fan who came after me to quite the same degree it did me on account of it being shoved in my eyeballs so frequently throughout my youth. Personally, though, this is and will always be the GOAT, a ninety-minute greatest hits tour of all the core building blocks that represent why I love this franchise, to begin with.

#1: Transformers One (2024)

Here we are, then. I can’t say much and I certainly won’t spoil anything, but rest assured, Transformers One is top-drawer stuff. I was glued to every moment during my first viewing, and in my second, it was widely apparent that a larger audience – complete with many kids in the mix – felt the same, judging by the laughs and the sharp intakes of breath at key junctures. Suffice it to say, this has the ingredients necessary to be a true stepping-on point for a whole new generation of fans, yet I feel confident it can win over the lion’s share of the old guard besides and, at least based on the reactions of everyone I have spoken to so far, it seems to be doing just that. It’s the best film in the Transformers series, and I can’t wait to watch it again.

So that’s our list!

TTFN